Why is getting ready to go somewhere always so dang hard?

     After trying to spend the day productively I have decided to just quit. Some things just shouldn't be so hard.
     As many of you may know, I am about to head off to Alaska with my niece and my eldest son to see my sister. We leave on Saturday. And I am STILL not packed... Yeah, I know...
     My kids were gone this morning working for my aunt in her yard and I was going to be home ALONE! You know, actually be able to think! To see exactly what I needed to get packed, cover my bases at home, etc, etc, etc... I was so ready to get in there and DIG IN! And would you like to know what I did?
      
      I spent my ENTIRE alone time chasing stinkin' animals!!!

     Somehow one of my gates was partially broken and hanging open and every stinking animal in the lot was out. Goats, horses, sheep, MULE!!!! I felt like I was herding CATS! Eventually, I got all of them put up except the #%^&E$#$%&$%$#%^%& MULE... Chased her all over the property. Decided to just give up and shoot her ... just as the children came home. Youngest DS walks up to her and says, "Alice! What are you doing out? Come on girl..." and just walks her right thru the barn and into the pasture. Can I just say:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!! (since I didnt' scream out loud at that moment, y'all just got my scream. Sorry...)
    
     So, disaster averted... No #*%$#@ mule to bury today.

    So now, to get back into the house and back to my business... And, of course, it's lunchtime and I have to feed people. So into the kitchen I go...
   
    Finally... People fed, things straightened up, headed to work on stuff for my trip AND... DH calls and says, "go getcha cow across the road from the neighbor's house..."

     Whaaaaaaa???? The COW???

     So here I am riding down the road on the 4wheeler with a cow trotting along beside me on a lead rope... (NO stinkin' packin' done as of YET in my household, mind you...) I looked like I was training her for the Bovine 1500M! I mean, REALLY??? WHERE is the video camera when you just know you could win the $50,000 grand prize on America's Funniest Home Videos???

     Cow put up back in the pen with her feller and I have got to get this stuff done... What time is it? Of course it is... It's time to leave and take my kids to our last homeschool skating day... Just 'cause I'm that kind of awesome mommy that does nice things like that for my kids... and because I had to carry Noah's friend Ryan to his mama... (well, I AM one of those kind of mommies most of the time!! Gimme a break... it's been a BAD DAY!!!)

     Ok, so skating wasn't so bad... Got to see several friends I've been missing. Kids had fun. So not too bad. Ok. I can stand running over to Big Lots. I only have to get 2 things. I can do this. Gallon zipper bags and quart zipper bags. I know right where they are, I can just go straight in there and get them... In and out in five. Ready, set, hut! Okay, here I go... neeeeroouuunyyyahhh.... zooming thru the parking lot & into the door... Ooo, baskets... No! I'm on a mission!  Zipper bags, at the back, blinders on, in and out... in and out... I think I can, I think I can, I think I can... Ok, right back here, around this corner....

    Oh. You. Have. GOT. To. Be. KIDDING! ME!

    The whole entire shelving unit - garbage bags to sandwich baggies - is blockaded by pallets of shrink wrapped bottled water and potting soil. (Well, SOMEbody is planning on folks planting a rainforest and then being extremely thirsty afterward!)  

    Mom down in aisle 10! Mom down in aisle 10!
 Well, not really, but I was thinking about it! Dadgummit!! What is UP with this day????

    So, staffer called, pallet moved... "No, honey, just this pallet... I only need zipper bags. No, not bigger bags, just zipper bags. You know? Ziploc bags? Yes! No. Those are sandwich baggies... Those don't even close really. They just fold over. I need quart and gallon size. No it doesn't matter what brand, just first ones you come to. What? I don't care if they're storage or freezer. Just the first ones you come to. NO! NOT THE SANDWICH BAGGIES!!! The ones that zip at the top and close up so you won't spill your food out all over your fridge! No I'm not planning on putting up vegetables with these, I'm packing to go on a trip and I need them for my suitcase. Alaska. Yes, I've seen Ice Road Truckers. Mmmhmmm... Fairbanks. (!!!) Yes, I know that's where their headquarters is. My son is planning on trying to go there. Mmmhmm... No. I don't really know who any of them are. Get you an autograph? Ummm... Well... umm... I may not even go. My sister's fiance may be taking him. Umm... yeah. Ok. Well, IF I get to meet her I'll try to get you an autograph. Ok. Yes those are the bags I need. Ok... Yes, thank you... You have a nice day too..." (oh my gosh!! Legs Move FASTER!! mumble mumble... just what I need. Now I can't come back to freakin' Big Lots cause I'll be afraid to run into Ice Road Truckers Groupie and be forced to explain why I don't have an autograph from Whatshername! mumble.. mumble... Geez!)

    Finally, back in my truck. I am so ready to go home. Who's stupid idea was it to come to Big Lots anyway???

    "Mama, what's for supper?" youngest DS
    "We have spaghetti left in the fridge... we'll heat that up. I am not in the mood to be cookin'"
    "Umm... I...kinda... ate...the last of the spaghetti..." oldest DS
   
     Breathe in... breathe out... iiiiin... ouuuut....

     Fine. Ok. This is OOOOO-kay... KFC is right across the road. No big. Drive thru. Problem solved. Mmmm... the line is pretty long. I'll just go inside. It's probably quicker.

     Yeah, right. 

     "I'd like to get two of the 7 piece specials. Crispy & grilled. Mashed potatoes. Yes, I know, but it's cheaper to get two of the 7 piece deals. I'll just take that. No, thank you. We don't need a cake. Yes I know it's free with the other meal, but we get more chicken for the same price this way. But I don't want a cake so it doesn't matter that the other deal comes with a cake. Yes. Two of the 7 piece deals. One crispy, one grilled. ??? No, I meant one 7 piece ORDER grilled and one crispy. No, I don't have 7 orders... 7 pieces of chicken grilled, 7 pieces crispy. 2 of the 7 piece deals... Get it? Yay! Ok. (Smile, smile... don't let them know that you're secretly plotting a SMACKDOWN at KFC and Big Lots...)"

    4 box issues, 1 dropped order of chicken, and a heavy substitution of white meat for dark meat later,  I am on my way home.

    Did he ever tell me how much my chicken was? Did I PAY for that?? (At this point, I'm still not sure. I'm hoping it will come to me tomorrow which, of course, I'm certain will entail a trip into Tupelo to go pay for chicken I was too tired to eat taking time I really don't have to take. Sigh...)

    I'm just gonna sit on the couch for a minute or two...

   "Mooooooommmm! Somebody's out here with a goat."

   "Huh???"

    "Ms. Corbin, I'm sorry to bother you but I didn't know what to do. This little one is just choking and she can't breathe and I just put her in the car and came over here cause I don't want her to die and the vet is gone and I just didn't know what else to do. I thought you might know what to do cause I'm just kinda nervous and upset and... Oh! Bless her! Look! She can't breathe! She's choking and all that foam coming out of her mouth!"

    (Side note! Now before anybody starts calling ASPCA, this sweet lady LOVES her goats! I helped get her baby going again, had her suction the foam out of baby's nose and baby is back with mom and doing well. Crisis averted! Ta da!) 

     Whew... Ok, now I'll sit down and finish this on the computer... Ok... itenerary...

     "Mooooommmm! Somebody's at the door..."

     Somebody call Jeff Foxworthy. I just know there's a bad redneck joke in all this somewhere...